I have decided to make a list of the funniest, craziest and insane experiences I have had recently while walking in London. A few months ago (around the same time I gave up smoking) I made it my daily routine to walk the 10,000 steps the doctor and heath specialists recommend us for a healthy life. And can I just say that London is the one of the most interesting cities in the world to walk through (well maybe except Pataya in the night – the number of sequins one sees in Thailand is rather impressive) because of the amount of outlandish experiences one can experience.
1. While walking to my favourite book market on Sunday I passed a construction site. Can I just say that my least favourite thing in this world is a construction site? Stopping at the lights meant that one of the workers got the opportunity to greet me with the following question: “How are you, sexy?” The funny part: the guy next to me turned to the construction worker. I burst out laughing while construction worker number 2 tells "Sexy" that his colleague speaks to me. I think it’s safe to say that we all know for which team my road companion plays for in his spare time. And when the weather is sunny who can resist a hot construction worker?
2. “Can I just say you have a crazy pair of shoes? For a second there I had this image of a Candystriper.“ Because I like to see the best in people I instantly assumed he meant the volunteer nurse uniforms I saw in a Sex and the City episode and not some weird stripper fantasy. It was a funny way to stop me on the street. Made me question my taste in shoes for a split moment, but that’s insane. I have incredible taste when it comes to fashion – a pair of red and white stripes flats were the choice of the day (always wear flats when walking 10,000 steps and/or shopping).
Is this what you had in mind?
3. The moment the guy dressed as the Grim Reaper wants to speak to you. Look I have watched an enormous amount of horror movies so can I just give you an advice: “Run! Even if it’s not the real deal or a scene from a movie, what’s the point in taking unnecessary risks?” So that’s what I did (and it might have been one of the few times I have listened to my own advice). I started walking faster and lost Grim Reaper in the crowd.
Say what now?
4. The moment when someone stops you on the street to call you cute. I know that most of the times I look like a teenager due to my unwillingness to wear make-up or behave like a grown-up, but I just need to say that you should not call anyone over the age of 12 cute. I accept the following adjectives when describing me: pretty, crazy, smart, awesome (as sometimes I describe myself), amazing. There are a few more, but those can only be used when you have met me for more than 5 minutes (and before your mind takes you in a naughty place I mean words used to describe my mind).
5. If you use the word Paedophile I will run. Faster than I would run to a Christian Louboutin sale. I get it: I am petite and blessed to look younger than my 25 years. But the use of the following sentence is not acceptable: “ I was worried that you would think I am a Paedophile if I spoke to you!” Guys an advice: if you are worried about someone’s age don’t use that phrase as an opening. Because every normal person or crazy like myself will just turn around and walk away.
Shoes? Where?
6. If I tell you that I imagine killing people for my stories and you don’t run away I assume that something must be really wrong with you. Not because I would do anything crazy (I get my adrenaline from climbing, Muay Thai k-boxing, Boxing, antigravity and occasionally Bungee Jumping) but if I would meet someone that is so open about murder 5 seconds later you the only thing you would see would be the dust left by my running.
7. Stalking is bad, people. Recently I made a trip to my favourite coffee shop (not that I drink coffee, but the courtyard is so calm and inspiring in the summer) and while walking back home I went into a shop to purchase some notebooks. Apparently the amount of notebooks I have everywhere is not enough. While I was distracted by hand stitched journals a guy comes up to me to tell me that he saw me walking down the street and he just had to walk into the shop after me. To which my mind’s reply was: “No, you did not! Most certainty when an impulse like that strikes again make sure that you ignore it. Every time!” I think it’s safe to say the conversation did not go too far. Particularly after he called my hair crazy. Can I just say that my hair is normal? Not crazy. Except my mind, nothing else about me is crazy.
Can this never happen?
I might have other stories like the time a guy ran after me to tell me my dog is cute. Another stalker. But for the time being, I have to go back to my novel and packing.
No comments:
Post a Comment