Inventive ways to procrastinate (number 1)

Like the name of the post here, I will make a list of the things I do in order to avoid writing (I do hope my first book will be published by the time I reach 50). Today for example instead of writing I decided to check in which Hogwarts house I would be placed. So I took a test. You must love Google. It’s a writer’s best friend in the moments when he/she decides to procrastinate. Because you see, you might be searching for something innocent (not me) and end up reading on or watching the most outlandish information ever (oh, Snape videos on YouTube like the one when he kills Osama Bin Laden or when he sings Adele - Someone like you). But today it was intentional. After I have decided I have waited enough for a Hogwarts acceptance letter (I cannot believe I am 25), I went in search of a way to apply myself. I don’t need a letter to tell me I am magic, I know I am. But you see, because I needed a strong reason to ignore my to so list today I decided to figure this out, as it's one of those things that have bugged me for a long time but never got around to sort out this issue. So I created myself a Pottermore account (and felt just a tad old when I had to confirm my birthday, but it's silly, I am sure there are enough apparent grown-ups out there with Pottermore accounts) and did the quiz to see where I was meant to be placed (or at least to know which costume to wear this year for Halloween or maybe for a Harry Potter soiree in celebration of my birthday). The results showed I am a Jigglypuff (in the words of a great teacher in A Harry Potter Sequel). For those of you that have no idea of what the fudge I mean, I belong to the Hufflepuff House. So now that my quest is sorted, I must learn some of those spells. And find the address for the Ministry of Magic.

What about my writing, you ask? Well knowing how to defend yourself in case of a Dementor attack is more important than a few thousand words added to my book, wouldn’t you say? And the teleportation feature and the brooms are quite handy since London is busy and the tube decided to stop providing people with a transportation method. And Lumos is useful, I would assume since I can't use it as I need to invest some free time into the purchase of my wand. Maybe I should visit Diagon Alley today. 

So yes, that’s an understandable reason to why I used my morning to find out how can I become a student at Hogwarts. I presume that later this evening I will kick my bottom into gear and at least do some research in case Lady Inspiration decides to avoid me again. Or maybe, Gentleman Inspiration…

And I will get back to Google and I feel like a vicious circle forms. Will post tomorrow where my day research took me. I hope it would be away from YouTube and silly little videos.

Guilt Inducing App...

I am a huge fan of technology and an even bigger fan of apps. I have all types of useful apps (or in my case apps I use to avoid having to face another blank page, a new document in word or having to pick up a pen and write something) that check from how well I sleep, to how much I walk, run, exercise, stress, to apps able to verify how straight my pictures are on the wall. So since I have decided to eat better, I looked for a food diary app (the market is full of them so I just named mine The Guilt inducing app). After debating between a few of them, I choose the one easier to use and less complicated by a complex menu. I started by inputting the foods and amounts consummated that day. Now we get to the part of why I have called it the Guilt Inducing App (or GIA for short). Everything I ate became a number of calories and a fat quantity, the lack of exercise during the first day when I started to input my meals made me feel a lot guiltier than I feel when I usually miss a day in the gym. I thought this was meant to make my life easier, not to make me disregard the Belgian Chocolate Éclairs I had in my fridge. What is wrong with the world when you have an app that makes you feel guilty? So instead of having my Éclairs I went for two plain chicken wraps with tomatoes and cucumber. Fudging Lemon Cupcake (please insert whatever swear words comes to mind as I still try to respect my new No Swear Rule). Between the not smoking and now the healthier diet, the only thing keeping me normal is my occasional alcohol consumption. And even that is not often enough.

Going back to my Guilt Inducing App I think I should delete it. It becomes quite addictive to count calories, made so easily by the fact you have the products already in their list, so the only thing left to do is to choose the quantity. I start to understand a bit people that go on constant diets with calorie counting as a main interest, but I am not one of them. My life is too busy at the moment and I will not bore myself with the guilt of enjoying the occasional treat (every day, curse you: Lola’s Cupcakes, Patisserie Valerie or Café Concerto). And between the hours I put in the gym and the 10,000 steps nearly every day I think a GIA is not for me.

So now I have finished venting my frustration regarding the Guilt Inducing app I have to return to my book. My friends continue to ask for the first draft (it will take a long while for them to receive it as I find more and more “important” subjects to debate or new hobbies – yes to Muay Thai K-Boxing). Back to writing… And my chocolate box and Nutella covered Pringles. And maybe I will just watch another episode of "House of Horrors" and then back to my novel... Damn you ID...

Me and Chocolate...  One of those...

"Happily never after"

Due to the nature of my research I keep watching these programs on Investigation Discovery that help me understand better the nature of my characters. And the amount of information in these programs could make even an idiot capable of committing the perfect crime (luckily for me I like my freedom too much and my mind stops being creative when it comes to murder - at least in real life).

But back to these programs: I have learned a thing or two to avoid.

1.         When someone asks you to marry him or her after a few weeks (in some cases after a few days) run as far as possible, as soon as possible and forever if possible. In the best-case scenario, the outcome is a quick divorce six months later. In other cases, the worst outcome is your body ditched somewhere or buried and with your grieving spouse finding consolation in his/hers lover’s arms. I think it has something to do with an overactive imagination and expectations. I assume that the adrenaline rush that you get when you do something unexpected, something out of the ordinary becomes addictive, and for some people the next rush it’s like a drug. Or they are just wiener-jackets (Thank you Starkid).

2.         The devil is in the details. Some of these people are quite creative when it comes to alibies, but most of them just get caught because they put too much effort into trying to look innocent. There was this case of this woman that made it look like a robbery to murder her husband. The little detail she forgot? No robber would go through every single drawer. She did not realise the fact that while she had the time to plan and open every drawer, a robber would not have the time.

3.         If you ever get a life insurance policy make sure no one knows about it. And the beneficiary is someone that will not want to murder you for the money. And if your partner insists on one, pack his bags and change the lock or even better, move. There is no point to take unnecessary risks.

4.         While most of the murderers suffer from some sort of mental disorder it’s still a case of good or bad. Sometimes it’s easier to blame someone’s behaviour on their childhood, or traumas suffered and even parents but in the end for me, at least, it’s just a question of understanding the difference between good and bad.

5.         When it comes to crime it does not matter if you are a man or a woman. It’s just a matter of pure crazy. And the poison of their choice is cyanide. Which is silly since no one that would commit suicide would die in such a terrible way. They would like to die fast, and painless if possible, I would presume.

Due to the pressure that we put on ourselves, the way society works nowadays I find that maybe it is easier to develop some sort of anxiety or stress related condition. But just because I feel sometimes burned out and sometimes I am annoyed with other people or disappointed in them it does not give me the right to harm them. No one has this right. I would think it would be easier to take a break from those people in your life that don’t deserve their place and cut them out than to murder them.

Picnics and rain...

I have to say that I am a massive fan of picnics! It's just something about them! The fresh air, the food and most of the times the booze are the main reasons why I do enjoy a delightful picnic! So, since the weather has decided to be splendid for the time being (and the people that live in London would know that most of the time the weather is grey and miserable), a friend of mine and I had decided to have a picnic on Sunday! All planned, the entire week I checked the weather app on my phone! The temperature was meant to be great, not too hot and not too cold, with a breeze and some clouds! So on Saturday I made the food plan and I took the conscious decision to... Bake! Now you see, I know since I was a little girl my mom's dream was always for me to become some sort of domestic goddess! But my rebellious nature went and ruined that plan! At least until about 3 years ago when I became serious about my cooking skills! So I learned how to make mean paellas, outstanding chicken and sausage casseroles and when I am in the mood I can bake an apple tart that looks and tastes like heaven (and those compliments come from all of my friends that have tried my food).

So on Sunday morning at around 7 am I woke up and like the domestic goddess my mum always envisioned that I would become, I attached an apron to myself and went to bake puff pastries! Between the goat cheese, the spinach and chickpeas blending, I forgot to notice the rain! I have got to admit, I am not a big fan of picnics while I get soaking wet, but for the love of God I already baked a tomato, basil and mozzarella puff pastry and the second one was ready to go into the oven!

So when my friend texted me to ask if we should go for lunch instead, I went full British and decided that not even a tornado or a hurricane (both highly unlikely in London) would derail my picnic! For fudge's sake, I just spend my morning blending, chopping, cutting and baking! I would have not cared if I would have soaked and got a cold. I was that determined to have my picnic.

So in the end, even God must have been surprised by my domesticated nature as the sun decided to show up, the clouds disappeared and my friend and me had a lovely time! Between the eating and the laughter, we realized that we both suck at taking a selfie! So I will leave you with an animated image of my stubbornness to have a picnic!

If I would be so focused when it comes to my book I would not feel guilty on a daily base that I keep avoiding to write! I do have so many fun ways to procrastinate though, so it's just hard not to enjoy myself instead of writing...

I will have this picnic, today!

When do you know?

For me, it happened quite a long time ago, but I more often than not I gave it up after a few attempts. I have always managed to fabricate stories in my head. Between that and my vivid imagination, I always thought of myself to be just strange. And I always blamed my peculiar nature on the amount of books that I devoured. And still do.

When I was younger, my mother always blamed my lack of alertness on my dreamy nature. My head was always in the clouds, she would say. My dreams were always vivid and my nightmares even worse.

But this time, the need to grab a piece of paper and put my thoughts on it was different. This time was stronger. The need to write, to look for answers, to put every little detail where it belongs was so powerful that I woke me up during the night.

Recently I went to a barbecue where we were discussing ideas for novels. Someone said that it is easy to get ideas to develop into stories. I agree it can be easy. But the hard part is to take that one line idea and transform it into a novel. The ability to work and develop a concept is the difference between a creative mind and a writer. And that was the moment when I finally understood why this time it was different. It was because I accepted the way my mind worked. And while I might sound like I am on the verge of going once and for all full on crazy, it’s the first time in forever when I am truly happy: in that moment when I reach for my Mac to write even a line, the moment when a piece of the puzzle falls into place and I just need to reach for something to write it down (sometimes that something is a tissue), when a line of a dialogue just comes to mind.

A couple of nights ago I awakened to write this idea that came to me while dreaming. So with one eye open, I reached for the notebook that is my faithful companion and penned a sentence. And then I burst into laughter. It was 3 am and I woke up to create a tale. And it did not even made sense. It was just the plot. The main story line and I knew that sleep was gone now. Because I started developing the story line, adding characters and changing details that did not feel part of the story, adding personalities to characters. It was insane that even in my dream I stopped everything that happened because I did not like how the story developed. I remember having in the back of my mind the thought that the way the characters spoke and their action were not believable or realistic. It felt like I was a film director and my movie was my own dream that I would transform into a story that people would read. So three hour later, I had both of my main characters, the antihero, the main story line, the order of the events and at least three or four different endings. And if there were any doubts the moment when I put the pen down, and realised that I just built an entire plot in less than three hours, was the moment when I understood that I could do this.

So this is for that little girl inside me that feels sad because she was ignored for so long.

Sleep deprivation and method writing.

I have decided to be a method writer. I want to experience what my characters feel (not everything or all the time). Since I seem to be struggling with description (in all fairness my vivid imagination is to blame here – I forget that just because in my mind the scene is clear, it doesn’t mean that everyone can perceive what I see). I never liked adjectives and pages full of descriptions.

So since we have method actors, and I do not mean to the mainstream ones, I want to take my first steps towards the start of my career as a method writer. And that is sleep deprivation. And to avoid any embarrassing accidents while I am sleep deprived (I am blunt enough when I have my usual 6 to 8 hours of sleep, food and well, for the sake of me let’s call it vino), I should avoid contact with the outside world – and by that I mean the one outside my mind – and try my experiment. So phone off (I called my parents to tell them I would be busy this weekend with some writing so we will speak on Monday, called my friends to tell them I will be AWOL – my social life has been dull since this writing business happened again), cancelled all of my yogic plans, purchased several bottles of, well you know, Bible Juice. So I am ready to deprive myself of sleep for the weekend. It’s Friday evening, and I need to make sure that no one will need me, as I am a well-known five-letter word that describes a female dog.

And since I need this to be realistic I have decided to eat according to how my character eats, so the idea to turn my phone off is a good one since no food and sleep means that I will without a doubt turn from a crying mess (oh the adventures of being me) to a laughing hyena (Cockfosters and the underground trip I shall never forget) to a sad little girl. I realised that I might, just might offer too many details about myself. It does make me look like a temperamental crazy person, but in my defence I have not yet had a meltdown in which I hit my laptop repeatedly with a baseball bat because I could not write. I did however, due to lack of said baseball bat (I have one that daddy made for me, but it’s in Romania, at a safe distance from me.) imagined how great one of those meltdowns would look like outside my mind. And might I add that in that particular moment all of my basic needs were satisfied. Or how I could just pan-hit my phone when the bastard started to ring in the exact moment I started the process of staring at the blank document on my Mac (again I try to imagine how funny would it look if I would grab a pan and pretend to play baseball with my phone).  I have to say I don’t have any anger issues, just a vivid imagination, and a life changing decision that I made (I have choose to give up smoking).

So now that it’s time to go and try my method writing, I will let you be and come back with my notes on Monday. I hope I will not sleep the entire next week because I decided to "method" my writing.

I'm not mad! I'm just crazy...

Sometimes I should not...

1. Apply eyeliner on a train: I don't usually wear make-up because I am too lazy to apply the damn thing, but I have to applaud girls that manage to apply their eyeliner on the tube! I always compared that action with the act of a one-fingered stand performed by a circus acrobat! And I must admit I am daily intrigued by the fact that, considering the number of women I saw performing this testing trial, we are not surrounded by women looking like the Joker on a bad make-up day!

That's just scary...

2. Tried and tested: wrap your hands for a boxing class on a train! Due to my fashionable habit of being late (not recently) I ended up taking the train instead of walking! And because I knew I was already late, in my desire to box, I decided the best thing (and time-saving once I got to the gym) was to wrap my hands, as the train was a fairly empty one! I am not sure if I should take it as a compliment or an insult that either everyone was impressed by my wrapping skills or scared of what I might next do. And the entire process of wrapping my hands while balancing a backpack, a pair of boxing gloves, a phone, my Oyster and my cat-wallet with my gym card was a disaster. I think it's safe to say that I shall not be adding multitasking to my spy CV.

3. Talk to strangers on the street. Just because I think they are lovely gay dudes, that doesn’t mean that I should stop and speak to them. In my defence the last guy that stopped me told me that I have "pretty long hair"! I would have been quite disturbed if a girl would have said something like that, never mind a man. Might I just add that I am always in the market for boys that I can take shopping with me, so when he mentioned his ex-girlfriend I took it as a sign from above that I should stop speaking to him so I mumbled out that I was late for a circus class. It was a feeble excuse, but my brain was shocked from the revelation that we do not play for the same team.

4. Ask your friends for weird favours in public. Due to the nature of my novel I find myself in strange discussions. Because most of the time in the back of my head I have a mental to-do list, I recently offered to a friend the possibility to chloroform and "ruffie" her. I did not even realize that there were other people around and that maybe what I said was strange (and if I would be just slightly normal, worrying to say the least)! It made sense, as I needed someone to try it out so my scene has the authenticity factor in it. Next to that came the request that someone should tie me up for two-three hours while my eyes are covered (I promise you that I don't write a bad erotic novel).

5. Never, but never go to antigravity yoga and afterwards to a boxing class while nursing a hangover. Quite recently I had one of the biggest hangovers that I have ever managed to put myself through in recent months. Between the burpees and the upside down hanging, I am happy to report that my relationship with Jäger shots is done. And my brain is relieved.

Maybe it looks great, but it feels sh*t...

6. Use a selfie stick in an area with people in a hurry. Look I get it; it's an exciting invention. In the end, it is a stick that manages to capture narcissistic features. But as a person that is always in a hurry and like my mom would say a person that disregards the concept of time, I don't want to have to end up in prison for sticking the said device somewhere that I can't mention on my blog. So people please, for my own good and the safety of your health stop using those silly utensils of crazy inducing anger and rage.

Scientists are excited by a new discovery: the evolved version of the Stick Insect